Justin Timberlake // Mirrors

This will forever symbolize us.

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You’re Crazy.

You SIR, are crazy. Like I have said/posted, I will say it again. I have been with you for four years now. FOUR years that I have stayed by your side, and I will continue to stay by your side. You’re crazy to think that I will leave you now.

For those of you reading this, Mario and I are not fighting. Mario is just unstable right now, and I’m not explaining what/why he is feeling the way he is right now. That’s just too personal…

No matter what condition you are in, I am not going to leave you. In fact, I’ll do the exact opposite. I will be tending to your needs and making sure that you are physically and mentally better. I know a lot of girlfriends say this all the time; sometimes it’s not even true. However, to me you’ve always been my best friend.

You were always helping me from freshman year of high-school to now. You were always there for me from when I was just an innocent, obnoxious little Asian girl, to a rebellious, hard-headed, annoying little brat, and to a broken, messed-up little person. No one has supported me like you did. Everyone else talked behind my back, or just stopped talking to me. Saying stuff like, “Robbyn’s annoying, Robbyn’s a flirt” or even stuff like “I can’t believe Robbyn did that! She’s completely changed! What a slut…” People talked shit before I could even explain myself or for them to hear my side of the story. They assumed…

Junior year hit me hard. I admit, I am still hurt about what happened, and although I may forgive… I can never forget. November 14th. I still remember that night. I was with this guy and things happened. I also admit that I was curious, but I did NOT WANT TO LOSE IT. Not like that. I told him no, SO MANY TIMES. As he kept pulling my clothes down, I tried to cross my legs to stop it, but it just didn’t work. I lost my virginity. I remember going to the bathroom after it happened. I sat there, staring at myself in the mirror, cursing in my head. WTF did I just do? My cousin who was with me, knocked on the door asking if I was alright or if something bad happened. I just said nothing… I wasn’t sure if I could tell her at the moment. Hell, I wasn’t sure I could tell anyone really. But one person came to my mind; it was who I though at the time was my best friend. I thought I could trust her. One day at school, I told her while we were alone. I said, “I have something important to tell you, I lost my virginity.” I thought she would comfort me, I thought I could trust her not to say anything…. but no. The news spread like wild fire. When I told her, she basically left me alone. She yelled at me for “doing such a thing” and walked away like I hurt her somehow… I was standing in the school’s courtyard alone. Crying to myself….. If I couldn’t trust the person that I thought would always be there for me, then who could I trust? Once I heard people coming, I hurried along to my next class. By the end of the day, some people came up to me asking why I made my ‘bestfriend’ upset. I just ignored them, saying that it’s none of their business. That’s where I decided to hide how I truly feel from everyone… Little did I know when my ‘bestfriend’ told Mario of what happened, along with others… Mario was trying to figure out if I was ok. No one really answered him, but he kept trying to ask and understand what really happened. He would always made sure not to bombard me with questions, or assume that I did the worst. He was patient, and caring. He was there for me when no one else was. He was the shoulder I could lean on, the person I know that will always be there for me, and the only person I KNOW I could trust.

Mario has truly seen me at my worst. No one knew this, but when that whole situation went down. I wanted to commit suicide. Everyday at school, during my junior year, I see people staring/glaring at me. Whispering. I hear my name all the time, and I know it’s not good. I know people started saying I was ‘easy’ or a ‘slut, whore’ etc… So it was just painful.. I may have seemed to be happy, but that was just a mask that I put on. I was in so much pain…I was going to try and commit suicide, and little did Mario know.. He stopped me. Just knowing how one person cared helped. Mario didn’t judge me, and I was able to be myself. No more listening to those hurtful words, no more worrying about fake friends.. He helped me get out of that dark place. I can’t thank him enough, because if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t be around today to have met my baby cousin Liam Oliver So, to become best friends with Samantha Hobbs, to have met my niece Leanna, to see my aunts on my moms side become close again, to have met all the good friends I have now, to have met Mario Ayson’s whole mom’s side of the family, and to have the best relationship with my best friend.

Mario was there when my dad stopped talking to me. He was there to comfort me and to hold me when I needed to be. I still miss my dad, and randomly on some nights, I would cry. Not little tears, but actually bawl my eyes out, blabbering kind of crying.. aha… But yes, Mario has been there to support me, and help make me stronger. Although I have not received a single “Happy Birthday Daughter” or “congratulations on graduating” In the past 3 and half years.. I still greet my dad happy birthday or father’s day. Although he cannot receive my messages and tries to avoid me.. Mario helped me stay strong and understand why my dad is acting the way he is.

I cannot express the gratitude I have for you, or how much I love you Mario Jonanthan Ayson. No matter what situation you are in, I will DO MY BEST to help you.  I know you are going through such a hard time right now, and you keep saying, “Don’t leave me”. I need you to understand that I will help you get through this. You’re crazy to think that I will just up and leave you. I love you so much, and I hope that you will give me the opportunity to help and support you like how you did with me.

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